Hi friends! Let’s chat today about the true nature of the rollercoaster ride known as querying. (If you want to know more about the basics of querying, check out my previous post.)

I started querying agents and a few publishers in February of this year, roughly 200 days ago. Like getting on a rollercoaster for the first time, this is a terrifying experience. You see the ups & downs of the track. And you hear the screams of those already on the rollercoaster. Are those screams of joy? Of terror? Is that dude crying? Are they happy tears?

Yet you summon the courage, pray to whatever goddess or god(s) you believe in that you do not lose your lunch, and you strap in. You get an initial jolt of excitement when you send that first query. Maybe, you think, I’ll be one of those people who receive a positive reply from an agent in 24 hours.

Nope. Doesn’t happen. For me, my first high in the experience came relatively quickly. It happened in March when an independent publisher liked a Tweet of mine during a pitch contest (more about that here). After sending them my query letter and a handful of chapters, they requested a full manuscript!

This is the fun part of the rollercoaster. The euphoric joy you feel zipping around the ride, wind in your hair and a smile plastered on your face. You can look over and see the faces of the jealous folks wanting to be on the ride, and you feel a very small sense of smug superiority. I am on this ride and I like it. Suckers.

Oh, hubris. I should have known better to tempt the universe.

For months, I did not hear back about the full manuscript. And during those months, the doldrums arrived. From April through late September, all I got were rejections. A total of roughly 35 at this point, meaning more than once a week (on average) I heard an agent tell me that my manuscript is not for them.

This is that sinking feeling as your rollercoaster is slowly creeping up that one HUGE mountainous peak. The jerky click-click-click as you head towards the summit. Your stomach does summersaults. Why did I get on this stupid thing, you think. “Don’t come up here!” you yell to the crowds in line, toiling away on their manuscripts. “Only pain and disappointment await you. Run! Fly, you fools!” Any inkling of smug superiority is replaced with crippling self-doubt, anxiety, and ever-present imposter syndrome.

While in the doldrums, my brain regularly taunted me. “What kind of idiot thinks they can be a writer!?! You didn’t go to school for this, and you think an agent, let alone a publisher, wants your drivel? Mwahaha, just give up, loser.” I thought daily, even hourly, of getting off this ride. It’s a stupid ride, anyway.

Then, without any warning, an email arrived.

Subject line: Full Request.

For a moment, I was breathless. Am I hallucinating? I literally looked around to see if this was a dream or reality. And with trepidation surging, I gingerly clicked on the email.

This is the rollercoaster at the apex. For the briefest of moments, you are weightless. That moment stretches out as terror mixes with anticipation.

Spoiler: I was not hallucinating. A real agent, in the real world, read my query letter and three chapters and wanted to read more. WHAT! After a string of 30+ rejections, here was sweet sweet acceptance. Like water to a man crawling through the desert. Sure, I had a full request before, but it had begun to feel like a mirage. I never heard back about it. Was it even real? Did that happen?

Yet here was a chance – a shot – at moving forward.

This is the adrenaline-filled descent from the rollercoaster peak. Terror is still there, lurking in the back of your mind. But you focus on the immediate joy and rush that comes from hurtling down, laughter echoing behind you as you zoom toward the ground.

And that momentum carries you forward. Or, it does for me. That momentum keeps me going. It keeps hope alive that I did not produce drivel suitable only for the fireplace. It reinforces what I knew when I was waiting in line to get on this crazy ride: I produced something good. Like, really good. And if other agents reject it – either because they didn’t like it or it was too similar to something they already had – then it is their loss. Because my badass little novel is gonna make it out into the world one of these days.

This ride may have more ups & downs in the future. Full manuscript requests get rejected all the time, and I know that.

But for now, I am gonna enjoy the ride. And if you are in line, stay in line. Finish that manuscript and join me. Because while there may be hard times, there are good times, too.

And there are plenty of people on the ride who will support you in the rough times and celebrate your successes – large and small.