I’ve read the blogs. I’ve supported other writers on Twitter. I knew it was coming. I did all I could to mentally prepare myself. Yet the sting of rejection still hurts no matter what you do to prepare.

I’m talking about diving into the querying trenches. That daunting process of a debut author trying to find a literary agent who believes in the novel as much as I do.

Part of me wants to scream when I get rejections: “But you didn’t get to this great part on page [whatever]! How can you pass on this?!?” A part of me wants to feel sorry for agents that issue a rejection. You’ll see, I think while strumming my fingertips together in my best impression of a Disney villain. When this book hits the bestseller list, you’ll be the one kicking yourself, mwahahahaha.

Then there is the other part of me. The part deep down that you don’t really want to share. The part that questions the worth of the manuscript, and even your own self-worth. Who am I to think I can be a writer? I’m no Brandon Sanderson or Sabaa Tahir or Brian McClellan. I’m just a dumb guy who wasted all this time on a novel no one will ever read because it is clearly garbage.

That’s the part of rejection that sucks the most. That’s the part that is a real kick in the pants. The part that has you curled up on the couch, watching the overcast sky dump rain all around you as if the universe is telling you to just give it up. Shelve the manuscript.

And I feel this way after only two rejections. Yep, that’s right. Only two agents have turned me down. I know other writers receive 40, 50, 100 rejections before finding the right agent.

How will I deal with the rejection? First, I want to be transparent – both here and on social media – about the rejection. I want to be one of those inspiring writers who slogs through rejection after rejection before finding the right agent and then finding wild success.

But in my heart of hearts, I don’t want any more rejection. I want an agent to light up with excitement at my work, and be as energized about selling it as I was when I finished writing it.

Who knows what my journey will be. But I want to stick with it. Because I do believe in my book. I think it is a good story, and I think others will like reading it. And I know the right agent is out there, ready to bring the world I created to the broader world.

I just hope we find each other soon. Because rejection, for all the lessons it can teach, sucks.